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What did you think of the story Missing the Mark? Score it on a scale of 1-10:

9-10
1 (50%)
7-8
1 (50%)
5-6
0 (0%)
3-4
0 (0%)
1-2
0 (0%)

Total Members Voted: 2

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Offline Skill Flea

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Missing the Mark
« on: 04:15:47 PM 11/07/15 »
I wrote this story about 2 months ago and decided to post the story here. Since Missing the Mark exceeds 20000 characters, I am going to provide a link to the story that's on the official creepypasta wiki. I am looking for feedback of all kinds. Even if you don't think that you have the qualifications to critique a story, then just tell me how you felt after reading it. All feedback is appreciated. So while I hope you enjoy it, keep in mind that it is also the first creepypasta I have ever made and that I'm not an English major with honed writing skills; despite being a skill flea. Praise it or hate it, here is Missing the Mark:

http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Missing_the_Mark 

Re: Missing the Mark
« Reply #1 on: 07:09:44 PM 11/08/15 »
Too lazy to log in to wikia, so you get my review here! I sometimes publish and judge pieces for a monthly writing contest, so I kind of know what I'm talking about. This is just my opinion after all. :P

The opening paragraphs hook you in almost immediately (something important when writing suspense/horror/creepypasta in general). The actual beginning for the story seemed a bit underwhelmed (oh cool, your seventh grade teacher-turned-principal got Italian on flatbread, but what about that maybe missing maybe dead minor?) You took a while to build up the story. There's a balance between taking your time and writing the actions too quickly, and you write it well. It just might be boring to some readers. The ending was written well, but you took a while to get there.

You did such a good job of marking Mark such a vivid and complex character in just a few descriptions, but your MC seems to just be a wallflower. They didn't get very much development, besides of just a few hints at some things. They did come across as stubborn but caring (which is better than a Mary Sue or Gary Stu). And the students seemed realistic sometimes, but not so much so other times. Why wouldn't they talk about Mark? Did they know something the teacher didn't? The dialogue is a bit confusing, but not so much so that it took away from your story. There were a few minor grammar and spelling mistakes, but none that took away from the story, either.

Over all, I enjoyed this story. I definitely got spooked a couple of times at the oddness of it, which is more than what other creepypastas can say lol. Keep writing!
are you worthy of the flip side?

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Offline Skill Flea

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Re: Missing the Mark
« Reply #2 on: 07:16:42 PM 11/08/15 »
Hey thanks man! Again it was my first attempt, so I'll totally keep all your critiques in mind. But I'm glad you enjoyed reading the story! :D

Re: Missing the Mark
« Reply #3 on: 09:41:33 AM 11/15/15 »
Hey, would you mind if my friend did a dramatic reading of Missing the Mark? She's auditioning for a voice acting role. Credit will be given, of course! I'll also link you to the video (if there is one) if you'd like.

Thanks in advance!
are you worthy of the flip side?

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Offline Skill Flea

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Re: Missing the Mark
« Reply #4 on: 11:54:54 AM 11/15/15 »
You have no idea how honored I am! I had to read your post twice to confirm what I was reading! Someone actually sees potential in my stuff and wants to use it!  ;D Of course you can!

If its for an audition to gain an acting role, then by all means use it!

Word of advice though, its not a perfect story and can be a bit dry at certain parts. Feel free to edit it as much as she wants to make it easier to read. I usually narrate my own stories on my channel, this is the only one that I haven't done.

Should there be a video, you can just link my channel or the Missing the Mark creepypasta wiki page. And keep me posted to let me know if she gets the part! Tell her I wish for her to be able to wow the judges with an amazing performance! I'm quite sure she will do well! 

And naturally if there is a video I would love to see it, so link it to me if there is one!
« Last Edit: 12:02:07 PM 11/15/15 by Skill Flea »

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Offline Skill Flea

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Re: Missing the Mark
« Reply #5 on: 02:00:38 PM 01/29/16 »
Hey, I literally just found this. This new narrator, JustAnotherPasta, narrated Missing the Mark 2 months ago. I even didn't know about it, so I wanted to share it: 


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Offline BoomShaka0

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Re: Missing the Mark
« Reply #6 on: 05:29:19 PM 01/30/16 »
Nice! Congrats Skill!
“In one aspect, yes, I believe in ghosts, but we create them. We haunt ourselves.”

-Laurie Halse Anderson

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Offline Skill Flea

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Re: Missing the Mark
« Reply #7 on: 12:11:02 AM 01/31/16 »
Nice! Congrats Skill!

I mean ... I didn't do anything different, I just found the video. If anything, the person who deserves the praise is JustAnotherPasta! 

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Offline BoomShaka0

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Re: Missing the Mark
« Reply #8 on: 05:15:23 PM 01/31/16 »
But didnt you write it?
“In one aspect, yes, I believe in ghosts, but we create them. We haunt ourselves.”

-Laurie Halse Anderson

Re: Missing the Mark
« Reply #9 on: 05:32:33 PM 01/31/16 »
Aww that's awesome skill! I'll have to check that out soon!
Blew blew blue.

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Offline Skill Flea

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Re: Missing the Mark
« Reply #10 on: 06:41:26 PM 01/31/16 »
But didnt you write it?

Yes, I wrote the story.

Unfortunately, JustAnotherPasta's channel hasn't been active since Nov. 3rd and I fear that he has given up on it. I feel bad because I only found it recently found it and now want more people to give him his fair share of kudos. You know?   
« Last Edit: 06:45:17 PM 01/31/16 by Skill Flea »

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Offline Skill Flea

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Re: Missing the Mark
« Reply #11 on: 06:43:27 PM 01/31/16 »
Aww that's awesome skill! I'll have to check that out soon!

Yes, it was very humbling for me to see that.

Re: Missing the Mark
« Reply #12 on: 07:14:56 PM 01/31/16 »
I'll go over to JustAnotherPasta's channel and give them a like and whatnot. Hopefully they haven't given up :(
Blew blew blue.

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Offline Skill Flea

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Re: Missing the Mark
« Reply #13 on: 07:56:02 PM 01/31/16 »
I'll go over to JustAnotherPasta's channel and give them a like and whatnot. Hopefully they haven't given up :(

Thanks!  ;D